Organ donation: A gift tied up in grief

I write about this issue every April — National Donate Life Month, decreed by the National Institutes of Health — because I have seen what organ donation and the resulting transplants do.

 
Nicole Brodeur - Seattle Times staff columnist

What will it take? Oh, if only I knew the answer to that one.

And so Pat Slusser and I sat in silence, taking in the stunning view of the Sound from her Magnolia kitchen, and glancing at the stack of photos of her daughter, Tammi Shanks.

Tammi died last November at age 46, waiting for a lung transplant that never came. She left behind a husband and two kids, siblings, friends and her parents, Pat and Dave Slusser.

What's especially cruel is that Tammi was at the top of the transplant list. But not enough people donated their organs for a match, a new lease on life for Tammi, a nonsmoker who was diagnosed with the lung disease pulmonary fibrosis in 2001.

"It's painful to talk about," Pat Slusser said of her loss, which she had never shared publicly.

"Maybe talking about it will help me make some sense of it," she said. "I'm not sure that's possible, but ... "

It seems coldhearted to grumble, to wish for something that would require a death — sudden or otherwise — for another family, followed by the brave decision to give parts of your loved one away.

So Slusser notices when families honor the commitment to donate. The late actress Natasha Richardson was an organ donor. So were the three policemen killed in a shootout in Oakland, Calif., last month.

She showed me a photo of Tammi near the end of her life. She is asleep in a chair, a pager pinned to her blouse. It went off once — when the pager company wanted payment.

And so we circled back to where we started.

"What possible reason could anyone have for not donating organs?" Slusser asked.

That, I can answer: People don't want to give any more of their loved one away, once fate takes them. Some see donation as brutal. Or they're not thinking beyond the hospital doors.

As a result, though, more than 101,000 people in the United States are right now awaiting organ transplants, according to the United Network for Organ Sharing in Richmond, Va.

In Washington state, 1,609 people are awaiting transplants, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

I write about this issue every April — National Donate Life Month, decreed by the National Institutes of Health — because I have seen what organ donation and the resulting transplants do.

A few years ago, I met two mothers — Nancy Roberts, of West Seattle, and Kim Schnepf, of Minneapolis. They were strangers until 2005, when Kellen Roberts died in a fight at age 22 and Connor Schnepf received his heart. Now, they are family.

I met Kirsten Kime, whose brother, Kristopher, died in the 2001 Mardi Gras riot in Pioneer Square. After Kristopher's organs were donated, Kirsten invited those who received them to attend her wedding.

I had never met someone like Slusser, who waited, and hoped, and lost.

"If anyone can ever explain the reasonableness of this to me," Slusser said, "I invite them to step forward."

But that's not going to happen. She knows that. So Slusser urged people to register to donate. (Go to www.donatelifetoday.com. Now.)

"It's too late for us," she said. "But maybe somebody else won't have to go through the same agonizing grief."

If you could prevent a death after your own, why wouldn't you?

I (we) applied for the Island Reef Job in Queenland Austrailia. They wanted a video under one minute. There were over 34,000 applicants. Here is our video.

Don't let this dog sleep on the bed...

What a great Monday. Fyn and I woke up and had breakfast, and then he took a bath. We picked up Jax from School and went to Edmonds beach with a Little Caesars pizza. The best deal in town for $5. After we ate, we walked the beach, looked in the tide pools, and built a few sand castles. It was 59 degrees out and we could all feel spring in the air. The boys asking many times, "when do we get to go camping?"

With the sun out and thinking of mom at work, we made a detour to Costco to pick up something for dinner. While there the boys picked out a huge bowl of cut up fruit. They could hardly wait. Fresh grapes, cantaloupe, kiwi, strawberries, mango, etc…

Leaving Costco in Shoreline we then drove by the house where I grew up. I lived there 20 years, and then moved across the street for 10 more years. Simply put I lived on the same street for 30 years. We looked at the four new homes that sit where the 49 house used to be. We got out and walked around and I showed the boys the huge rock that was in the backyard, which is now in the front yard of two homes. Jax thought it was neat to see where his dad grew up and used to live.

We then visited the cemetery where my cousin is buried. Tammi passed away about three months ago at 46 years old. The boys went to the entire funeral and when we went back to visit I answered as many unanswered questions that I could for them. Some of the questions they ask just don’t have answers. Jax remembered the spot; it is about a 100 foot walk from the driveway. There was no official marker yet, bet you can see where the grass was cut out. Walking back to the car we made some visual markers with trees and rocks. Jax said next time it will be easier if we remember some landmarks.

Then home to eat some fruit, a little quite time with a movie, the sun shining in, and a little hope that spring is almost here.

I have always liked Rick Santelli on CNBC. He is very energenic, never calls in sick, and tells it like it is. I don't always agree with hime, but I do enjoy watching him. Here is a grea clip from the other day.

Check out H.R. 45 and see what is happening in Washington...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.” Nelson Mandela

Boe Lindgren’s solution to the economy
February 6, 2009

Here is the solution to:
• Saving the United States Banking system
• Keeping the American homeowner in their home
• Boosting the U.S. economy
• Establishing better neighborhoods
• Keeping rents down
• Fixing the housing market

I know that is a lot of stuff to solve, but here you go. Instead of the U.S. government bailing out banks by giving them cash, the government should give it to the people. The homeowners in America would be able to refinance their mortgage loan with the government, regardless of their situation.

How would this work?
The government would let anyone who owns a home (or many homes) refinance at 1%, 40 year fixed. It is strictly rate and term (no cash out). Whatever is owed on the property gets paid off with this new mortgage (late fees, penalties, etc…). Now there is one lien on the property, and the owner cannot get a second behind it (or use the home for any type of collateral). The interest paid on this loan is NOT tax deductible. This is a onetime deal. Rental properties are fine too, let’s keep the rents down.

Who wins?
1) Banks – they get all their bad debt off the books and are solvent (government refinanced them out of it, instead of handing over cash).

2) Homeowners – they get a lower payment and can stay in their home.

3) Government – they make tax dollars by getting rid of the single largest deduction & they make 0.5% margin on the money (borrow from the fed at .5%). Oh yea, they also get paid back over the next 40 years.

4) The economy – there will be an increase in consumer confidence and people will begin to buy things again. Homeowners will also have more disposable income (lower house payment).

5) Renters – the rents can stay lower because landlords have a smaller mortgage payment.

6) The housing market – less people will want to sell their home and give up the 1% mortgage. There will then be less supply. Prices will then stabilize.

7) Neighborhoods – with more homeownership and less population mobility (no one wants to give up their 1% mortgage) neighborhoods will get established and people will begin to know their neighbors and take more pride in where they live since they will plan on being there longer.

This could all be implemented by the hundreds of loan officers that are struggling. With no underwriting & no appraisal, just title, escrow, and record. This could be accomplished for under $1,500 a home.

By Boe Lindgren, Owner / Broker Ashlar Realty & Licensed Loan Originator, Seattle, WA

Last week, the US House of Representatives passed the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act (H.R.1). This bill has some key provisions that will stimulate the housing market:

• It will restore FHA, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to 125 percent of median home prices - up to $729,750
• It would eliminate the repayment provision for the $7,500 first time home buyer tax credit
• It expands tax-exempt housing bonds

Two days ago, the Senate approved an amendment to their bill that offers up to a $15,000 tax credit to people that purchase a home in the next year.  The credit would apply to anyone, not just first time homebuyers and you would not need to repay the credit.  The credit is based on 10% of the purchase price of the home and the credit is spread over two years.  So for example, if you buy a house with a purchase price of $300,000, you would qualify for the maximum credit of $15,000.  The first year you claim the credit, you receive $7,500, and you would receive the remaining $7,500 the next year.

Superbowl is here again. No Seahawks, but it will probably be a good game. I was thinking about superbowls of the past and I remembered my favorite, superbowl XL. Yes the Seahawks were in it, but the game was the best part.

My youngest son was three weeks old. When we approached kickoff, he was ready for a nap. I reclined in the big chair and Fyn snuggled in on my chest. He was out right at kickoff snoozing like a pro. As I watched the game, Jax was on the couch with Debbie. The chili was in the crock pot and we watched the game as a family. It was great.

There was an added bonus. Not to wake the 3-week old Fyn I couldn't get up. So, Debbie would deliver the beverage of choice to me. That too was a treat. The Seahawks lost, the ref's were terrible, the rain was falling, but we were all happy. It was Fyn's first football game with his dad. Superbowl XL, one I will never forget.

I have been part of the Masonic family since 1983. I was 13 years old and joined DeMolay. Masonic friendships are some of the best. The people who join the fraternity all have something in common. There is a common thread that runs through all the members. Saturday night a bunch of us went to my dad's place in Manchester and played cards. After reflecting on who was there, we are all different and are in different places in our life, but we are all Masons.

Out of the seven: Single, Married, Divorced, Widowed; no-kids, daughter, son & daughter, sons, adult kids, & kids in diapers; university, college, high school, G.E.D.; union member, non-union member, self-employed, retired; tall, short, skinny, thick.

The one common thread was that we are all members of a blue lodge. Some of us are Knights Templars, 32 degree Scottish Rite, Shriners, Past-Masters, or Blue Lodge. Playing poker with brothers is a great experience, there is a level of trust, you know it's a strait game, and we are there for the fellowship.

We had such an enjoyable time, we are going to get together every couple of months. There are things the computer, television, PDA, etc... just cannot replace. The social interaction with your fellow human beings.

Saturday. Just saying the Saturday brings back memories. When I was young mom stayed home and dad was a Teamster. That meant that on Saturday, the whole family was together. Saturday's usually meant sports, family get together, or just outdoor fun. Saturday mornings were a little more consistent. My memories of my brother and I getting up and going to mom & dad's room. My brother and I shared a room, so we got up about the same time every day. We would sneak in to the "big" bed and snuggle in with our parents. It was a great time, we were all together.

Our family still has this tradition. It was 7:27am on Saturday when I hear Fyn, "Mommmmmmy.... Mom...". It was him telling us that he is ready to get out of his crib. I heard him first so I went and got him. The look on his face was probably like the one on mine. We were both excited to see each other. I whispered, "mom's still asleep, so lets be super quiet...shhhh..".

He then snuggles in between us and gently falls back to sleep. Then we hear the Clydesdale coming down the hall, Jax. Jax has never walked softly, you always hear him coming. I made a deal with him last week though, if he can get into bed in the morning without waking up his brother, he gets the TV remote. So, he tries.

He climbed in to bed and snuggled in too. But, he then had to use the bathroom. He jumps off the bed and almost fell through the floor. The thud woke up Debbie and I jumped. He then returns and snuggles in.

There we are, Saturday morning, one happy family snuggled in under the big comforter. Warm, quiet, peaceful, and not a worry in the world. It lasts about 30 seconds and it turns into cartoon time. Remember my kids go to bed at 7:00am. They have slept for over 12 hours. We get about 45 minutes of cartoon, then downstairs for the Saturday morning breakfast and on with the day.

Saturdays are great days.

I have always liked graphs and charts. This one below was sent to me that shows the counties won by each candidate for the 2008 presidential election. I found this a fun chart to read...

Yesterday was Inauguration Day and a good friend of mine suggested that we head down to the Columbia Tower Club and watch it on the big screens. We had breakfast and watched the show. Then I looked outside. This shot is Mount Rainier to the right and Bellevue to the left. It was a beautiful day!

I asked Fyn if he would like another Oreo cookie? His is the reaction....

Here is the schedule for Inauguration Day 2009. It is on Tuesday January 20th, 2009 at high noon. It is also the 200th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln's Birth. The theme is "A New Birth of Freedom"

8:00 am     Gates open for ticketed attendees

10:00 am    Preliminary festivities begin. Including music by The United Stated Marine Band, The San Francisco Boys Chorus, and the San Francisco Girls Chorus.

11:30 am    If you have tickets you must enter by 11:30am The gates will close.

12:00 pm (Noon) As specified b the U.S. Constitution (20th Amendment), presidential terms of office begin and end at 12:00 noon on January 20th. Barack Obama will takes the oath of office which is a simple 35 work statement.

12:05 pm     President Barack Obama will give his inaugural address, speaking to the nation and world. for the first time, as President of the United Sates. This followed by a luncheon.

2:30 pm     Parade down Pennsylvania Avenue from the Capitol to the White House.

The Presidential Oath: "I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."

I heard a great quote today, "Grief is the badge that you lived and loved well." This hits home. William Shatner on his new talk show (on the Bio channel) talked about "unresolved grief". How it can effect the rest of you life. I guess you just move forward and resolve it. He never gave the solution to resolution, just that it is there.

With that it brings me right back to my children. They bring out a side of me (and others) that only they can do. I didn't think I would be excited about water parks at 38 years old. But I knew I would still be sledding in the street after a pleasant snowfall.

Jax asked a lot of questions today. I guess that is normal for a five year old. On the way to school he asked how the sun "burned through the clouds", but halfway through the explanation he asks to turn on the ACDC CD.

Then later in the day he explains to me how monkey tape can fix everything. I had to tell him its called duck tape (I know duct), not monkey. He thinks they should make monkey tape, because it would fix everything (if they made it).

Finally when I'm tucking him into bed he asks the real questions. The ones that get us parents nervous. Where do babies come from? If someone only has a mom how does that work? What does adoption mean? Where do adopted babies come from? Why do you call people brother, that you are not even related to? And then a few more that kept my head spinning. I gave the response of, "It's late, we can talk about it tomorrow" But, knowing Jax, he will remind me.

Fyn and I had a great time this afternoon too. I got home and he asked for a milk shake. I taught him how to sneak in an Oreo cookie. He loved it. He also got to pick the bedtime book tonight. One of my personal favorites, "DinosaurRompus". There is a chant at the end of every page, "Shake, shake, shudder... near the sludgy old swamp. The dinosaurs are coming. Get ready to Romp!" Fyn has it down perfectly (and loudly).

With all the joys of children the grief does heal, but I think the badge will always be there.

Ken is a great friend of mine and he swung by Frasier's Sports Bar and Grill last night. We had some food and another friend of ours was there, Rob Schwertley. Then Karaoke started. well here is Ken Wehl singing Shook Me All Night Long!

Frasier's Sports Bar & Grill www.1010broadway.com